I understand now

I understand now why mothers cry when they send their child to school. A month ago? It wasn't real yet, a week ago - nope. Today? Yes. It is real. Tomorrow my child is going to preschool.

Over the past few months I have thought and thought and thought some more. What do I want to do, what do I need to do, what is best for my child, and what is best for our family? I didn't really talk to others about it because I wanted it to be our decision as a family. Through this time, I kept feeling pulled to go back to work. I have had this feeling of readiness.

I have watched my little baby girl transform into this preschooler. I cannot believe she is nearly 3.5 years old. I remember when I was pregnant and had made the decision to be a stay-at-home mom for my children until they started school. I was watching the news one morning and they were discussing the research that shows that up till age 3, children who are at home have the advantage. But after age 3, there is a shift as their needs for learning and socializing are so much more. And sure enough, since she turned 3 she has grown so much in her learning and understanding of how things work. She is so curious about everything and I feel inadequate to meet all of her needs. Especially the need for friends and fun and challenges. It is hard to see her feeling lonely and bored. I had always planned to have a large family and to have children close in age to meet those social needs in the more natural, old-fashioned way. Clearly things do not always go as planned.

So here we are, taking a new path in our life as a family. I meet with my former employer next week to discuss job opportunities. We found a great preschool/daycare for our sweet girl. We toured several and just as others had told me, our instincts spoke pretty clearly and helped us choose. Tomorrow she gets to go for a little while. We didn't want to lose her spot in the daycare so we are signing her up and beginning the transition slowly. This particular center is highly-sought-after and has a waiting list, so we felt pretty lucky they offered her a spot right away and were willing to hold it for us this long.

I am pretty confident that this is the best decision for us *right now.* And that's what it comes down to - - we all make the best decisions we can make in the moment, with the information we have. Weigh the pros and cons, consider all the options. Take the time to really think it through. This is what I've done, what we've done. And so we're going for it. Wish us luck!

And the picture? Well, as she fell asleep tonight, with her bear looking over her, and with a smile on her face as she thought about her big adventure tomorrow, I thought of this picture. I thought about my baby. And that's when it hit me... the sudden understanding of why mothers cry in moments like this. That's not to say I didn't get it before, but now I have felt it myself. Whether it's for preschool or kindergarten.. it's change. It's new and it's scary, but mostly it's just knowing that things won't be the same. That doesn't mean they'll be bad. Just different. And it will take time to adjust.